A few weeks ago, Jared spoke at a Stake Conference meeting addressing the topic of overcoming a form of addiction and supporting loved one trapped in the snare.
To help teach the principle that shame comes from Satan... accountability is the Lord's way, he shared a story that I love about a family that he knows.
In their home no one gets in "trouble"... they just get to be "accountable." So when the teenage son and his friend broke a light in their home while playing a game, the friend was amazed that they didn't get worried about being "in trouble." Instead they calmly told their dad what had happened, he asked them what they were going to do about it and they worked to earn the money to pay for the broken light. No shaming, anger, or "you're in big trouble" intimidation.
So today I tried to use the same approach when I discovered a mess of strawberries, goldfish, and markers smeared all over my kitchen by Emily and Alyssa (while I was nursing of course). It was so hard for me to stay calm and patient amidst the weeping and wailing that ensued during the prolonged accountability process, but the kitchen is mostly clean again.
We also had a little lesson about how you can't believe everything that you see in print.... like the words "Washable" on the pink marker. After I had Emily try to scrub off the table she said sincerely, "But Mom, see how it says washable on the marker - so why won't it come off?" So now we have a permanent inscription of the words "I LOVE YOU" written in pink (supposedly washable) marker on our worn out kitchen table.
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Allison gets in the same kind of trouble everyday, and we do try hard to make our kids accountable, though we do tell them that we are unhappy with them when they make poor choices. I had a friend the other day ask me wat I do when my kids draw on walls, and I told her that I give them a magic eraser and make them wash it off. She queried as to whether they could do it when they are 2. I told her yes, and after about 20 minutes, and a LOT of tears( because they don't want to keep scrubbing)... they don't color on my walls again.
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