It's Okay Not To Be Perfect!

I glanced down while blogging and spotted this message doodled on Rebecca's study notebook.   It's the same message my mission president had for me 20 years ago. During my first visit with him he handed me the talk "On Being Worthy -Perfection is a Process" by Marvin J. Ashton.

"Somehow we need to bridge the gap between continually striving to improve and yet not feeling defeated when our actions aren’t perfect all the time."

I think I was born with that "continually striving" element.  I'm an idealist.  I love making lists and setting goals for improvement.  But the "not feeling defeated" part just keeps creeping back over and over to haunt me. I want to be better at keeping that positive outlook with my own challenges and sometimes its a struggle.  I recently changed church callings and it has not been easy for me.  Instead of being a family history consultant which I completely love, feel passionate about and feel very competent in my abilities, I am now the first counselor in the Primary Presidency which is more of a challenge for me, even though I've served in this capacity twice before.  As I prepared my first Sharing Time Lesson I felt at peace reflecting on the simple gospel messages that the Savior taught. This simple verse concluding the Sermon on the Mount really stood out to me.
"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."
I was impressed by the simple thought that if I continually seek God and keep striving to emulate his virtues I will be happier,  I will feel more peace and I will accomplish the purpose that I was sent to earth to learn.  I want to be better at setting aside the worldly cares and stresses that at times consume and stress me and focus more consistently on this. The simple saying "Choose the Right" is vital to happiness.  Choose kindness over criticism.  Choose scriptures over facebook. Choose gratitude over ungrateful comparison. I gathered pictures and stories to relate these messages to the children on their level.  I tried to embrace this new calling and think of how it may help me be closer to my children and more engaged in teaching them gospel truths.
Hunger and thirst after righteousness
Let your light so shine
Love Your Enemies
Pray to Heavenly Father
But when I got up to teach these messages to a large group of younger children my mind felt frazzled by distractions, I couldn't find my picture props, I forgot the time I should end, left out my stories and finished my message early.  As I sat down my emotions were swirling and my self-critical voice was shouting loudly in my mind.  Inside I wished I were back in my easier comfort zone leading a gospel discussion with reverent adults or teaching someone one on one how to find their ancestors.  But personal growth doesn't come easily with ease, and I think the Lord wants me to stretch so I can grow.
I love how this concept of facing the "frontiers" in our life was expressed in this BYU-I devotional given by Clark Gilbert.
"The second characteristic required to preserve the pioneer's heart is a faith and optimism for the unknown that comes on the frontier.  Again, President Henry B. Eyring has taught that "[t]he purpose of the gospel of Jesus Christ is to change you so that you're not trying to resist change."[4]  Change can be frightening, but facing such fear with faith and optimism is what the Lord expects of His pioneers.  In fact, Elder Kim B. Clark has taught that "[i]f you want to know the Savior, go to the frontier because that is where you will see Him in action.  It is at the frontier where He does His work."
 Each of you will have opportunities to go to your own spiritual frontiers.  Remember, the Lord's pioneers go to the frontier.  They are not satisfied to stay where they are or to stay who they are.  The Lord's pioneers change, they repent, and they go to the hard places the Lord needs them to go."